That Girl Radio

JanYouary: Sophisticated Is The New Sexy

• Rikki Lee • Season 3 • Episode 30

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Today, we're stripping away the high society clichés to reveal sophistication in its truest form – living with authenticity and purpose. Discover how embracing experiences over possessions, trusting your intuition instead of pleasing others, and cultivating self-appreciation rather than being ensnared by self-doubt, can transform you into the epitome of modern elegance. Listen in as we celebrate the art of personal standards and resilience, proving that age is no barrier to sophistication and that the real competition is the person in the mirror.

In a world where self-critique often overshadows self-love, we'll discuss the transformative power of positive self-talk and the importance of rituals in nurturing well-being. We'll applaud the trailblazing women who've turned their dreams into reality, and how their stories inspire us to harness our own resilience. By the end of our chat, you'll understand why sophistication is the new sexy and how it's not about being stuck-up, but about shining brightly and lifting others as we climb. 

Did you enjoy today's episode? Leave Rikki a voicemail about what you took away to be featured on the next episode.
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Rikki Lee:

Hey guys, welcome back to that Girl Radio. It is your lovely host here, ricky Lee, and for today's episode of January, we are going to talk about how sophisticated is the new sexy. I don't know about y'all, but I am just loving and embracing simplicity and just living and breathing in my authenticity on the day to day, and there's nothing more sexy than that. And when I say sophistication, I don't necessarily mean being a complete class act at all times. I don't mean that you need to articulate every single little word that you say. I'm not saying that you need to be wearing blazers and trousers five days out of the week. I'm just saying that it is sexy to hold yourself to a higher standard. It is sexy to hold yourself to a higher regard and to be a woman of value and worth.

Rikki Lee:

And in a day and age where a lot of people feel like they have to succumb to societal pressures, you feel like you need to alter this and alter that. You feel like you need to acquire these things and those things in order to be cool, in order to be pretty, in order to be enough. I'm here to debunk all of that and reinvigorate in all of you that all that you are is enough, because I've said this numerous times on my podcast before but before you were even given a name, you were given a purpose, and that in and of itself makes you wealthy. That in and of itself makes you beautiful. That in and of itself makes you enough. So don't for one second think that when I say sophisticated is the new sexy, that it is the epitome of wearing top to bottom cashmere and driving a Mercedes Benz and buying red bottoms and all of that. That's not necessarily what I equate to as sophistication. I believe that sophistication is collecting experiences, not possessions.

Rikki Lee:

I believe that sophistication is being intuitive rather than being a people pleaser and looking for validation from others. I believe that sophistication is adopting self appreciation rather than self doubt. I believe that it's being a doer rather than a dreamer. I believe that it's embodying resilience, being brave and going after what you want, being ambitious regardless of what anyone else says around you. I believe that it is understanding that less is more in regards to beauty, in regards to fashion, in regards to literally every facet of your life. I believe it is regarding your body as a temple and doing everything that you need to do to maintain it. I believe that it's honoring your rituals and honoring the commitments that you've made to yourself and, most importantly, maintaining yourself, and so we're going to get into all of that in today's episode. So if you are someone who fits right along into those things, or you're someone who wants to become that, you want to embody your most sexy self and you want to feel like you're holding yourself to a higher standard, then make sure to stick around for the end of today's episode. So, first and foremost, what is sexy? What is sophistication? Okay, sophistication. To me, the first few examples that really stick out to my mind are the Olivia Popes, the Marseilles Martins, these and deyes and the Yara Shahides. I've listed examples that are of around like our age group, because I really want to harp on sophistication, not just being something that is attached to age.

Rikki Lee:

A lot of people think that being classy or being sophisticated or holding yourself to a higher standard doesn't have to come along until you're much older, until you're much more seasoned, and a piece of advice that I received recently from my friend was that you don't get to make decisions in the now because you refuse to be intentional for later. So don't make decisions now to just be reckless and whatever else because you don't want to be intentional. You're like, oh, I'm young, like no one really cares. Like I'm in college, everyone else is doing these things, like I should do it. But you don't understand how often people will look to you and be inspired because, in spite of what your environment says, in spite of what your friends say, in spite of what society and Instagram is saying, you're sticking to your playbook and you're holding yourself to a higher standard and a higher regard, and that, in and of itself, should be applauded. That deserves a million likes Like. You might not get them on Instagram, but I promise you on the day to day, every time you are walking by people, they are liking your profile, your literal profile. What you're forgiving in person is giving Like. They're literally praising you and they're saying, wow, like I just love how you embody sophistication.

Rikki Lee:

It's clear that this is higher and I feel like this season of 2024, for every listener of that girl radio, is called higher. It's higher Like God is calling you to something higher and it's okay for you to be removed from a lot of the circles and the things that you want to know, because that's what's called elevation. You're going to be put higher up on a pedestal from the things that you once used to metal in. But that's okay, because that's how you know you're upgrading and you're basically just taking yourself to 2.0. And the next thing you know is 3.0 and it's 4.0 and it just gets better and better and better.

Rikki Lee:

And then you'll look down and you'll look back and you'll be like I can't believe I once even indulged in those things. I can't believe that I even allowed myself to do that. But you don't look down and pity yourself. You don't look down and pity anyone else who's still doing those things, because everyone awakens at a different time and I think that's the difference between a sophisticated woman and a stuck-up woman. A stuck-up woman is someone who will elevate herself but be willing to look back and look down upon the people who are still meddling in doing the same things that she once did, basically negating the fact that she once used to partake in those things, and I think that's ridiculous.

Rikki Lee:

I'm only human and there's a lot of things that I used to indulge in, like drinking a lot, doing hookah a lot, like there's a lot of things that I once did that I'm not necessarily proud of. I'm not like beating myself up about it and like, girl, why were you doing that? That's so terrible, but I'm just like it's just not something for me to indulge in consistently. I can do it socially, maybe once or twice every blue moon, but I'm not going to be doing that all the time just for the sake of me holding myself to a higher standard. And your standard looks different for you. Like your standard is not according to what anyone says on TikTok or even what I say on this podcast. Like, if you want to do hookah every weekend and that makes you feel sophisticated, babe, keep on doing it. Okay, if you want to drink, and you want to drink costamigos and you're not a wine drinker and that's your level of sophistication, keep on doing it, babe.

Rikki Lee:

Like there is no blueprint to sophistication. It's based on your tier levels of what you feel like is the process for your slow and incremental elevation. And when God calls you to hire, be ready to go hire and always know that once he elevates you, you can surely go back. You can surely go back, but so long as you stay in tune and you stay calibrated and you have your conversations with Him, it's not likely that you will Like a lot of times you may slip, but you will never fall back into the habits and the routines that you once had, because you have a new taste level. Every single time you elevate, you interact with something new, a new experience, a new way of living. And now that crisis within it, now that you know these habits are taken out, you're like man.

Rikki Lee:

I indulged in it one time and I'm like I don't even know if I can do that anymore. It's just, it's not for me anymore. I don't like that and that's a point that I've gotten to. I will occasionally go out with friends and they'll be like oh, do you want to do a happy hour? And I'll do one drink and I feel fine. But if I do anything more than two, it's like my head is spinning, I feel nauseous. It's like a very, very bad, volatile reaction and I'm actually glad that God is making me experience those things because it reminds me that I'm called to hire, that I'm not, I'm not supposed to be the girl who, you know binge drinks or you know just throwing bottles back, because it's just not good for me, especially with my condition I have PCOS for any new listeners and that's just not really good for my body, so for my personal life choices and my own elevation, and also not wanting to have to deal with the blues of hangovers and you know the the calls the next day trying to do a debrief of what happened the night before. I just don't indulge in it that much anymore, and you know. But I don't look down, I'm not stuck up. I don't look down on anyone else who chooses to drink or who chooses to do hookah. I can be around those things, but I don't have to be of those things. You get what I'm saying. So that is the sole difference between a woman that is sophisticated versus a woman that is stuck up.

Rikki Lee:

The next thing that I think a sophisticated woman embodies is the collection of experiences rather than the collection of possessions. There are so many women that I have met who are just a powerhouse, and I've never seen them wear a Chanel. I've never seen them have on Cartier. I don't see them wearing Prada glasses, like it was never a what was on them. It was always a what was in them. They were able to pour into me because they had a wealth of knowledge, a wealth of experiences, and that in and of itself left me feeling like I was walking away so much better and that makes you a sophisticated woman. Because you can wear the expensive things, you can acquire all of the luxury things.

Rikki Lee:

But like, can you pour into people? When people leave any interaction with you, do they leave better off? That's when you know you're really wealthy, when you can put people on without even having to give them one resource. Just by one conversation they feel better off. That's when you know, and I feel like I have surrounded myself intentionally by numerous sophisticated women who are able to pour into me and just by a conversation, just by a phone call, I feel like I've gotten a $5,000 loan from them, because they are just so wealthy in spirit and that is the embodiment of sophistication. They've collected experiences in life, they've been present for every moment, for every season, and they're able to pour that into the next woman. You can't pour bags into people. You can't pour shoes into people. You can't pour cars into people. You can't pour filler into people, like.

Rikki Lee:

At some point we've got to wake up, ladies, and realize that Materialistic things don't bring a substance. It's life experiences and having perspective, and you have to go out into the world and experience those things and be willing to formulate perspectives first before trying to pour into people and I think a lot of people are missing that aspect. They go straight into like let me acquire the things and that's gonna make me that girl. But no, you need to acquire the experiences. You need to just live life and be a good neighbor and do as God says in the Bible, and then you will be wealthy. I promise you it will. Just the riches will come. You will be a magnet for abundant things because you're just at the core, an amazing being and things just center around you.

Rikki Lee:

The next thing I will say is that a sophisticated woman is intuitive. They trust their gut more than anything and they do little to no overthinking. I used to be someone who overthought every little thing. I would consult at least two to three people every time I needed to make a major decision and now more than ever, in the month of January, I have done so many things without consulting not one person but God, and I want you to get to a point of that. Don't feel like you need to consult your mom, your sister, your brother, your cousins, your bestie, like you. Don't have to consult all of these people. It's nice to have wise counsel absolutely but when it comes to a point where it's a crutch, you can't formulate any decision for yourself without consulting other people, then you have to think to yourself like is this my life or is it theirs? The only way your life is yours is if you are being the conductor of your own business. You are choosing every little thing that happens on the day to day, and if you allow other people to make those choices for you, your life will become theirs. And so, trusting your gut, trusting your intuition and your intuition comes from God trusting that and knowing like okay, the Holy Spirit is guiding me, he's telling me this. When I pray, god is telling me this. That is what's guiding you, not the words and the validation of the people around you.

Rikki Lee:

Sophisticated women are also adopters of self appreciation rather than self doubt. Okay, I am so tired of the self deprecating comments and girl chats. It's disgusting. Okay, stop doing the negative self talk in front of me, cause I'm gonna shut it down. Do not say that about yourself. When what you speak comes to life, you cannot say those things. You may think it and you shouldn't even be thinking it, but to say it brings it to fruition, and you have to understand the power of the tongue, and so I will not accept negative self talk, even for myself. I don't speak things. I don't say I'm fat. I don't say my hair looks a mess. I might say my hair looks a mess Now I am, you know. That's the truth. But to have negative self talk and to identify a specific attribute and attach that to your identity is dangerous, because then you feel like you've become that thing and you are not anything, any singular thing at that. So allow yourself to be able to evolve by not speaking those things into existence and just say you know, I am in a fitness journey, I am going to go get my hair done and I was taking a workout class this Sunday and my instructor, julia, is so amazing. She said to us that we attract our thoughts in what we say and so we need to take notice of that.

Rikki Lee:

And when you ask people like, oh, do I look fat? Or, like you know, does this look bad? Don't ask people if you look bad. Ask them do I look amazing? Do I look fantastic? And that completely shifted my perspective, because we all, as women, have been in those bathrooms and we're having a conversation and we're like you know, does this make me look bad, like blah, blah, blah, and it's like no. Start asking like do I look great? Do I look amazing? Do you like my hair? Like opening up the conversation with positive thoughts and positive reinforcement, not only for yourself, but for the person, who is who you are allowing to give you feedback.

Rikki Lee:

If you give them the permission to criticize you or to talk down on you, absolutely anyone is gonna jump onto that train and be willing to tell you all the things that you can change. But if there's something that you cannot change in the present, why even give someone the permission to speak to you in that way? So just keep it to yourself. Adopt self appreciation, speak nothing but good things over you and, even if there's not many things that you do like, learn to love them.

Rikki Lee:

The next thing that a sophisticated woman is is a dreamer. Okay, she's not. She's a dreamer but, more importantly, she's a doer. Okay, she doesn't just keep her head in the clouds thinking of all the amazing things that she wants to do, all the amazing things she's gonna accomplish and who she's gonna do it with. She makes it happen Through and through the four women that I named Olivia Pope, marce Martin, zendaya, Yara Shahidi, four extremely accomplished women. And even outside of their accomplishments, I can almost guarantee that their minds are sharp because they truly love to learn. They've become lovers of learning, and that is something that I truly believe. Sophisticated women are lovers of learning, lovers of growth. And for Marce Martin to be the youngest producer to date says a lot. She produced her own movie, I think it was like at 13 or 14 years old. Zendaya, being so accomplished in the fashion world, in movies and also on television, says a lot about her work ethic. Same for Yara Shahidi being on a black sitcom and also attending Harvard University says a lot.

Rikki Lee:

And so don't ever limit yourself and think that, oh, like I'm dreaming of all these things, but I don't know if I can make it happen. Try, acting out on the things that you are dreaming about is an act of faith. You are acting out on the premise of thinking that, oh God, I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I'm gonna see, and that's how you know you're dreaming big. So don't just be a dreamer, also be a doer. Try to find the ways to bring your dreams to realities. And if they don't come, a reality like, that's okay, that's okay, it was just a dream at that point, and there's something else that's going to be a reality and it's gonna be even better.

Rikki Lee:

Another thing that sophisticated women are is resilient. This is a word that my mother has attached to my identity and I smile so big every time she says it, and I also get a little emotional, because when I do think of all the things that I've overcome in just 21 years of living, it's astonishing. But I still rise. I still rise every single morning. I still love myself, I still show up, I still take up space, even regardless of my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my ailments, my insecurities. I'm still gonna show up and I'm still gonna be me, ricky Lee and all of her glory, and if you were to line me up across 10 other women, I wouldn't feel any different, because the biggest piece of advice that I have received to date and I just got this advice on Saturday from this girl I don't even know who she was, but she said to me the only person who can outshine you is you. And that just spoke volumes, because I truly do believe that that is the attitude of a sophisticated woman. She knows that the only person that can outshine her is her. Her only competition is herself. She is not worried about no other sister on the planet. She is willing to uplift everyone around her because she knows that that doesn't dim her own light. Letting other people shine around you is fine, because the only person that can outshine you is you, and that should be. Your goal is to outshine the version of you that was yesterday.

Rikki Lee:

Sophisticated women also honor their rituals, whatever those rituals are skin care, fitness, health and wellness, your vitamins, all of that. They honor that because they know that they are the drivers of their own success. No one else is gonna wake up and make it happen for them. They are going to honor the rituals that honor them, that honor their own self-care and gets them to where they need to be, because they know that they cannot pour from an empty well. They cannot be wealthy and be able to give to others if they don't do the work for themselves. And going to work and putting in the hours for you so you can cash out and look glowy, cash out and look like you just woke up, like this that takes honoring your rituals.

Rikki Lee:

Every single night you need to be in that bathroom doing your skin care routine and speaking words of affirmation over yourself and doing your daily devotional and making sure in the morning you wake up at least 30 minutes to 45 minutes. At least 30 to 45 minutes before you have to go. You can have it even longer. I wake up about an hour and a half before I have to leave the house so that I can have a slow morning routine and time to myself to feed me, to love on me and to get my daily bread by reading my word, and that, by far, has improved so much in my life. Y'all, I have the most crazy schedule I've ever had in my college experience, yet I still feel full and I still feel like I have enough energy to show up for myself because I've been intentional about setting a non-negotiable meeting with myself every single morning to do self-care. I can't skip that. Even if I wake up late, I need to at least devote five minutes to that because that is my way of honoring my ritual and honoring myself. I am the temple. This is my body. You know Like I have to take care of that before I show up and do any task list for any job or any school.

Rikki Lee:

So make sure that you honor yourself by doing your skincare, taking care of your wellbeing going to your doctor's appointments, going to your fitness classes or working out at home, like doing whatever it is that you need to do to put some deposits into your wellness account every single day. And the last thing that I will say a sophisticated woman is is a kept woman. A sophisticated woman does not necessarily have to indulge in thousands of dollars worth of self-care. You don't have to go to the most expensive stylists and nail techs and eyelash technicians in the city. Like whatever that routine looks like for you to be kept, do that. Some women are very minimal with it. Some of them are maximalists with it. There is no right or wrong regimen.

Rikki Lee:

My current regimen looks like getting my toes done once a month. I'll get like a full, sweet pedicure with the jelly and the flower soak and all of that because I really do like to get massages of every like couple of months. It just resets me and gets me relaxed and calm and it's a way of saying I love you. I see you, girl, and you've been working hard because your feet look crazy. I do that once a month and then I get my nails done every couple of weeks. I really do love the stovele look. It's like a stiletto mixed with oval, so it's a little sharper than oval nails, looks very flattering on my shorter hands, and then I like to get bubble gum on top of that. It's very soft and feminine and it matches with pretty much all my outfits, so it doesn't clash with anything. So I like that and as it grows out, it doesn't look obvious, which is key. Especially if you wanna keep your routine minimal and you wanna stretch out the times that you have to go in for a fill, definitely go with more of a pinky flesh tone color, cause that's what's gonna make it look seamless.

Rikki Lee:

Then, as far as hair goes, I have found, finally, my signature looks. They are black hair, side part or middle part, and also a bob. Those are my two, well three, go-tos, and they will be in rotation over the course of this year. I'm previous years I used to be one who would like switch it up a lot of the times, but I've figured out what really looks good on me. And if you look to any woman who is truly sophisticated and just the epitome of just a class act, like there are just a couple of hairstyles that she wears and she sticks to it, like she doesn't really venture too far out of that, and if you're someone who likes to be adventurous with your hair or your nails and all that, there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm just saying like, these are the more cost effective, minimal ways to be kept without having to break the bank.

Rikki Lee:

I also like to get lash extensions. This is a must for me because I like to wake up a lot of the times throughout the week and not put on really any makeup. I don't have to do a full face or anything, because I still look pretty put together and awake without having to do a full face, which I really appreciate. Something else that I've been seeing a lot of the girlies do is eyebrow lamination and, like henna, and it looks gorgeous. It makes you just look so put together without putting in any effort. So that's something else that you want to add into your kept routine. You can do that.

Rikki Lee:

Another thing that you can do is massages. Okay, I just feel like any woman that truly glows is because she's going to get massages. I got a massage in December after finals and it was just like the perfect release of all of the tension and the pressure that was bearing down on my shoulders and my neck from the finals and it was just so amazing to release all of that. So if you are long overdue for a massage, make sure to book one. I would say to get one at least once every quarter. If you can't do it like every month, because I realized that that is a luxury but if you can get one at least once a month I mean not once a month, if you can get one at least once a quarter definitely do that. Another thing you can do is meditation classes or like sound baths. I'm not exactly sure how much those are priced, but they are great meditation practices that will keep your mind centered and calm, and those are pretty much all the things I can think of right now that can help you stay kept.

Rikki Lee:

Oh, also facials. If you ever want to do facials or do like a spa day, I know in Columbus, ohio there is a spa that is so amazing Like it's an all day thing you go and then you can get access to like this pool and a sauna and a whole bunch of other stuff. So if you can find something like that in your city, that would be amazing too. Just keep yourself together. Make sure you're maintaining you, maintaining your physical appearance, because when you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you do good. That is the that girl philosophy and I'm sticking beside it, because on the days that I look good, when I go to my workout sessions and I have on brightly colored workout gear, I just feel like I put in 10 times more effort into my workout because I look good and so I feel good and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna work my butt off in this workout. So try those little things in your routine to elevate your feeling of yourself and that'll help you show up better and show up more as the sophisticated woman that I know you are.

Rikki Lee:

So I really do hope you guys enjoyed today's episode on sophisticated is the new sexy. I hope it provided you with a new perspective on what it looks like to be sophisticated and the ways in which you can start to implement that into your day to day. And if you're not already subscribed to that girl radio, what are you doing? It's day 29 of January. It's been so much fun. I have so much more to bring to you guys for the year, so make sure you subscribe. If you're not following the podcast on Instagram, you can find us at that girl radio and you can follow your host, ricky Lee, at RickyLeeco on Instagram, and I'm also on TikTok at the Ricky Lee. I love you guys and I will catch you next time.